Comments on: The gift of death by a loved one

By: Bill Frenette

Bill Frenette — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 14:58:54 +0000

I do not beleive anyone can truly understand the loss of a loved one. We lost our 34 year young son as he was trying to save the life of one of his friends. My wife and I have shed tears every day since July 26, 2006. I can only hope that God needed him to teach children not born yet on how to live when they are born. Spencer truly had that magic with people. Whenever you were with him, all your troubles vanished and everything was right with the world. What an amazing gift that he brought to so many, it explains the loss we feel for ourselves and everyone who ever knew him or would have known him. An Angel in disguise. I don’t know what lesson I am to learn but will someday. I pray for all who have lost some one who was the other half of your soul. One other mention. I tell my son everyday “that whatever I do this day, I will make him proud of me”.
God bless all who have lost.

By: Dennis Arner

Dennis Arner — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 11:43:25 +0000

Gerry,

Perhaps I may bring a different perspective. I am a Father of 7, GrandFather of 5. At this time I am 49 years old. I have been self-employed for nearly all my life, and at times was accused of being a work-a-holic when many people didn’t have jobs at all. Long story short, in 1995 I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis @ 35 and was unable to work for 2 1/2 years. I sold multiple rental units, to many vehicles to count, sold every personal thing I owned and finally told by my insurance company that my MS was pre-existing therefore they cancelled me leaving my wife and I with a ton of bills, but we paid every one. By late 1996 we were living in a different house. The bill was being paid by Public housing. My food source was food stamps and we had only one vehicle which was worth about $50 donated to us from a thoughtful Church member. Honestly that car meant a lot to us. My Neurologist at that time told me I would never return to work. He was sort of correct, it did take 2 1/2 years but I did it. My walk was assisted by the aid of a cane for over seven years but then in 2004 I began to use a scooter because my legs were shot, but I kept on. In March of this year I went to a Harvard graduate M.D. with a PhD because I had been having horrible problems since last summer when my Mother passed. The stress of that was the trigger as well as the handling of her will and estate. My diagnosis was that I had over 50 brain lesions. One who understands MS knows that up at around 10 lesions comes a high mortality rate. Now I am on disability, can’t drive, have a home health care nurse, and many other problems. However, recently I received a “Lifetime Achievement Award” from the local league here for over 20 years of service. It’s the 1st one ever given. Make a Wish Foundation gave me an award for making a little girls dream come true to meet and see Garth Brooks in person. She died approx. six months later. Because I am completely aware that my time may be shorter now than expected I have shown my children these awards and many other things. My seven year old gives me my daily shots. His 29 year old Sister cries a lot as does my wife. But so many people have expressed to me the sentiment of how many lives I have had an impact on and instead of the “awww shucks” answer I used to give I accept their praise, realize I have had an impact, and because of your Country Lawyer book realized it is to just say thank you. I hope I have taught and possibly will give some happiness to others when I pass.. Coach

By: Christy

Christy — Sun, 02 Aug 2009 04:07:17 +0000

Specifically to Varie Allison; my thoughts are with you……I have found that we do not have let ourselves be victimized by guilt, pain, etc. Someone once told me “all our woes are self-inflicted”. I initially thought this was a load of crap. I have since discovered (and continue to discover) that this is true. It is not the negative feelings that are hanging on to us, but we are actually hanging on to them. We can gain strength from all situations in life……if we choose.

By: Katelyn

Katelyn — Sun, 02 Aug 2009 04:02:46 +0000

I understand kind of. I just lost the man that I love so dearly of cancer. I was going to get married to this man. We had so many plans, so many hopes and dreams and now we will never be able to experience them. I wish I had people to talk to that truly understand, but at the same time, I would never want them to be feeling what I am feeling right now. I feel so very alone, and hardly any of my friends seem to care or call or anything. I think I can see how this can make you stronger though……it’s easier said than done, but I know all of us will get threw this. I will be praying for everyone that has ever suffered a loss because it is the greatest pain I have ever experienced in my life. I’m 22 years old and it makes me wonder how much more suffering these years will bring.

By: George

George — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 17:57:56 +0000

The following seems appropriate to your post on many different levels.
It is Hemingway, 1929.
” The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places. But those that will not break it kills.It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure that it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry.”

By: Marley

Marley — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 16:13:04 +0000

I thought some took exception when you use the word “soul” ?(See prior subjects, posts).
Soul has that religious meaning. Religion, and spirituality are apart of life, and being(for most).
Some how there is a feeling that some have hijacked religion (some forms) to degrade, and negate the dignity of life of others.
But one could say that about politics, political parties, clubs, or trade associations, too.
The soul of one is constantly in interaction with the struggles of life.

By: jaye

jaye — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 18:10:15 +0000

As a child, six adults living near me–on my street, in the neighborhood, friends of family, killed themselves. They left their own children to try to understand. They had given us their time, cookies, drinks of water, watched us for our own parents–they were a part of my life. Would they chose to take their own lives had they had someone to say to them, “I understand you. You are not alone.”
As I am now 47, my childhood friends are dying from disease and accidents. What do we make of our lives?
I too understand that I was fortunate not to believe that suicide was the answer to depression or challenges. While I didn’t understand at the time and while grief overtakes me at other times, I realize in quiet moments how fortunate I have been. Every challenge is an opportunity. I do not believe that we must suffer to be better human beings–concentration camps and torture and injustices are not character building experiences. How we understand the human experience, how we come to terms with what it is to be human makes all the difference. If we can make someone else feel that they are not alone we can find meaning in our seemingly random connections.

I am taking the Bar (again!). I think I have learned the game that has nothing to do with the practice of law or being a good lawyer. The Bar is a ritual not a test of character. Those that catch on to the mischief and trickery will pass the Bar, but may not pass the real tests that come with clients. Mr. Spence told me after I failed the Bar that I had to catch on to the game and I have kept that in mind while I prepared. He told me I was not alone and it made all the difference to me.

By: Eliott

Eliott — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 16:11:48 +0000

Mostly, the expression on gift, is “the gift of life”.
Life is that which provides the means for energy, love, interaction, etc, the all the is interwoven with others- humans.
We are hard pressed to make judgements, on why any decides to check out, at their own hand.
We have not walked in their shoes, have no basis to render judgments.
I have known people who committted suicide.
One was a well respected attorney, who had it all, fame, success, it is a total mystery to me why he did it. We simply do not know, many times.
Then, again, maybe I did not really know the subject person, after all.
He had been a chief assistant to a Senator, a Sr partner in a major firm, and had it all, seeminly.
In the Bar Journal, it merely noted Chuck had passed away, it never even noted how he passed away.
It is beyond my comprehension to fully understand, I am afraid.

By: Beth

Beth — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 14:12:02 +0000

ajlouny–Until you’ve experienced that depth of despair, I don’t believe you can evaluate the bravery/cowardice of someone who does. We all have “ups and downs” as you say; however, we all do not have the extreme depths. It often has a medical basis and, just as some physical paid cannot be managed, even by the best medical professionals, some emotional pain can not.
This isn’t a question of willpower or character and it trivializes genuine suffering to suggest that it is.

By: Fern

Fern — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 13:10:19 +0000

On the need to help,
it obviously has limitations
as does the need to be helped. Why Speed Limit, has noted he and other attorneys make decisions all the time not to represent people, as do most other private law firms. They simple place limitations on their time, and desire on represeation.
lawyers are not God,
nor are Doctors for that matter. An expression of a desire to help to help does not mean it is a reality.
if one can avoid the need for help from doctors and lawyers, one can avoid lots of problems.