My friend Argus Joseph Thompson wrote about the Mind Monitor (MM). He insists it is reading his thoughts and recording and classifying the more important ones. I present his meanderings with edits. Parental guidance is recommended:
“After many weeks my initial outrage over MM’s invasion of my mind began to abate. Moreover, if I were being monitored, then ipso facto I was important enough to be monitored.
“I possessed Class A secrets, not the mundane unclassified secrets of the masses, not the secrets of farm boys who had made it with chickens—mostly laying hens, because laying hens are easy to catch while sitting on the nest; not the secrets of preachers loping the lizzard over the pages of Penthouse, not the secrets of boys fantasizing about their Sunday school teachers who gave the class beaver-shots under the table to enhance attendance. Such secrets were so common they merited no classification whatsoever although MM duly recorded the same in the event a respondent sought public office, which accounts for Jimmy Carter’s having been forced to reveal his lust for the women of Playboy. Cheating, stealing, wife beating and child abuse were also so commonplace they were merely filed away without classification.
“One got on MM’s classified record by asking certain questions, for question-askers have always been the enemies of the system. Those who wondered how the king got off taxing their tea without representation and dumped 342 chests of the same into Boston Harbor were enemies of the system. Thoreau wondering why he should have to pay a head tax to vote and went to jail instead was considered dangerous and an enemy of the system. If you secretly questioned certain truths like Jesus smiles on Texas debutantes who spend twenty thousand for their coming out dresses while thousands of children starve in the streets, or if you question certain axioms such as “The system isn’t perfect, but it’s the best damned system we know,” well you automatically got classified.
“If you questioned the efficacy of Double Dribble Economics, well, that was at least a Class C secret. But you really got MM’s attention if, in the middle of the night, you began to question the right of the non-its, the corporations, to destroy the pristine forests, the living birds and innocent beasts and generally to shit all over the face of the earth in the name of profit. If you secretly began to wonder if we had all gone mad by permitting an oligarchy of non-its to poison us in the womb of our own Mother Earth and to abort us there from in order that the non-its could dangle a favorable profit and loss statement in front of the Wall Street analysts, well, such questions were Class A secrets which ipso facto designated you as a targeted person, (TP),and I, Argus Joseph Thompson, was, indeed, a TP for which I was very grateful, for how miserable to otherwise be nothing, even to non-its.”