Testing our HQ (Humor Quotient)

I have earned inquiries about why I don’t share my “wisdom” about how to treat and cure us of the current economic crisis, better understood for what it is – our own Great Depression.

Instead, I have been testing our sense of humor – our HQ. Humor in hard times is like Preparation H on hemorrhoids. It does not cure the problem, but it makes us feel better. Real humor hangs on the border of insanity, but requires sufficient intelligence to approach insanity. What is your HQ?

If anyone can tell us in fifty words or less what we should be doing to dig out of this Depression and guarantee that it will work, please share it with us. Please. I will pass it on and make your voice heard, if not by the powers that be, by Henrietta. Otherwise, be wise and tell us something funny.

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34 responses to “Testing our HQ (Humor Quotient)

  1. Declare national bankruptcy and repudiate all debt. Revert to barter. Shoot trespassers. Hold another constitutional convention.

  2. Now I’ve got it.

    Pablo Picasso walks into a bar. The bartender says;
    ” your new model was just in here and I don’t like her. She’s two faced. She talks out of both sides of her mouth and boy was her nose out of joint. “

  3. There was an article from the St. Petersburg Times Newspaper on Sunday. The Business Section asked readers for ideas on “How Would You Fix the Economy?” I thought this was the BEST idea….I think this guy nailed it!

    Dear Mr. President,

    Patriotic retirement:

    There’s about 40 million people over 50 in the work force – pay them $1 million apiece severance with stipulations:

    1) They leave their jobs. Forty million job openings – Unemployment fixed.

    2) They buy NEW American cars. Forty million cars ordered – Auto Industry fixed.

    3) They either buy a house or pay off their mortgage – Housing Crisis fixed.

    End of Depression

    They have been bailing out the wrong people is all….

  4. Why is money called dough?
    Because we all knead it.

  5. When you bail out the banks, require them to forgive subprime mortgages.

    When you bail out the auto industry, require them to rehire laid off workers.

    When you bail out any lying, thieving, or just plain ole incompetent lazy ass manicured greedy pigs –bail out the consumers the SOBs injured.

    Admit to yourselves, Mr. CEO, Mr. President, Ms. Senator that ultimately is the people outside of your ivory tower who have the potential power and will to turn this around and try for once in your sorry ass life to give a damn about helping them and alleviating their suffering.

  6. sorry that wasn’t funny and it wasn’t 50 words but it’s the best I can do while watching G 20 and CNBC and listening to debates about whether Michelle should hug Her Majesty.

  7. I guarantee that if the Treasury gives a billion bucks to each person, the AIG model, you can kiss American democracy good- by.
    Some might think that would be a riot, ha ha,
    Your offer to pass it on to
    Henerietta has a Inca tone to it. God caused the depression, he was pissed off at Bush, and Cheney, there must be an offering on the altar, like the sacrifical lamb, otherwise it is an eternity of the D.

  8. Vicki:

    Don’t make excuses for not following instructions. Do what you as an individual can to make the world better. The sun will still shine, dogs will still smile and spring will arrive in all its glory followed by a lovely summer. Life is still good.

  9. Let’s pass a new law that makes it legal for CEOs who accepted bailouts to be fired. Here’s a possible scenario of what could result:

    Joe Employee, who was fired by his company last month, walks into the CEO’S office and calmly announces: “You’re fired. You have 15 minutes to pack up your stuff and leave.”

    CEO: (Outraged) You can’t fire me, I’m the CEO! Where’s my Chief of Security?! I’ll have him throw you out!

    Joe: I guess you forgot, you fired HIM last month too. He’ll wait 15 minutes to escort you out, so you better get moving.

    Works for me! I may have exceeded the 50-word limit though. 🙂

  10. I got jokes, kinda:
    Argus used popcorn to crack your up, and, yet, he is a temp, off crackups, to solve the crisis.
    Clear vision, a direct connect. What does an DA guy do when, he is following his sources:
    he twitters it out.
    So, how much did Gerry lose in the stock market,
    did he take a bath, or beat the Bear ?
    What does a Bear do to a bull: How come nobody is laughing ? this place must be filled with very clinically depressed lawyers, can you hear the silence ?
    I don’t think Gerry feels the solution is going to pop out –here.
    Do lawyers solve problems, like pot holes, or bridges, or credit crunches, how is keeping crooked politicans out of jail going to solve anything ?
    I believe if more crooked politicans were sued, and jailed, then more world problems could be solved.
    Are crooked politicans who beat the rap, going to solve anything.
    here is the biggest # 1 joke of all, many top Senators in the U S even say, and admit the system is corrupt—they are the system.

  11. I seem to be hearing a lot of jokes set in bars lately. Here’s the latest:

    A penguin walks into a bar and asks the bartender: “Have you seen my brother?”

    The bartender says, “I don’t know. What’s he look like?”

  12. I thought Argus covered( flip out 101 to a new frame of refeence):
    consume popcorn, and all troubles evaporate.
    Now, you are throwing in Prep H.
    What next, the slippery slope to Qua-loods, or oxy-con-TIN.
    Stopping digging a hole, if any in a hole, and stop
    obessessing about D, and go take a hike.
    If someone tells you go take a hike, take it at face value.

  13. Sidekikk: Indeed it is!!

  14. Year ago I read your book on banks and you warned us then.

    It is time to have fun.

    I personally have had hemorrhoids and had to take Preperation H, until a doctor told me about high fiber diet.

    I await to hear about the high fiber diet cure for our economy. Believe me after having hemorrhoids there is nothing as good as a big painless shit.

    I await the high fiber cure for our economy. Until then pass the Preparation H.

  15. Roses are red,
    Blue skies are sunny,
    I’d give you a joke,
    But depressions aren’t funny.

  16. We went from a nation of over achievers to victims the day the Insurance Industry convinced us that automobile collisions were “accidents”. We have been playing the blame game ever since.

  17. Here is my attempt to understand the problem.

    We were promised change. I thought that had something to do with doing something different.

    Now I realize what change is. As an old fart I remember how cash registers went Cha-Ching Cha-Ching when they opened.

    After the cash registers have opened for the Banks and Insurance companies, as you wrote about many years ago, CHANGE is what is left. First the cash is taken out for these institutions and then we, the American people, get the change.

    “Cha-Ching Cha-Ching”

    “Here is your change.”

    Reagan called it trickle down.

    Obama calls it change.

    I rest easy today knowing that our President did not lie to us.

  18. Reduce by fiat all mortgages to 4% fixed rates for the remaining term of the loan. It will establish some value in mortgage backed securities, which is the whole point of the feds buying the “toxic” assets (or guarantying the downside risk for anyone willing to buy them), and free up some money for consumer spending. Put a national cap of 8% on existing credit card debt. The lenders would rather wait for the feds to guaranty any downside and keep the upside of usurious rates than voluntarily revise the existing bad bets. What’s in that for the rest of us?

  19. A farmer loses his fields to hail, his barn and outbuildings are swept away by a flood, then, his house burns down. All the while he keeps a hopeful positive attitude. When asked why, his reply is that it is simply written in the Bible; “This too shall pass,” not “this too shall stay” America is still Great. Help your neighbor, volunteer, lead follow or get out of the way

  20. A serious suggestion: Take up healthy, free or low cost activities that you can continue to do when the inevitable good times return: go for long walks in any kind of weather, meet friends for coffee, enjoy your kids, eat less, smile. If none of this works, I’ll refund yuor money.

  21. Here ya go 🙂

    Love “Light” and Energy

    _Don

  22. The new version of the Jolson song is:
    Big brother can you spare a $ 40 billion bailout( lyrics by Citigroup, Bank of American, and AIG).
    Big brother wants you to send in a check this week, to cover the redistrubtions to credit crunches, liquidity freezes, troubled asset valuations, & other Ponzi schemes of unparalled proportions.
    Big brother wants: your money, and your life, and your labor, and he wants it real cheap, and IT wants it now.

  23. Ouch……it is bad enough the gov’t puts people in jail for consuming a natural herb, but having a Ben Harper song about aforementioned herb pulled on a blog….that’s just straight up wild…..must be that dang “Bong Hits For Jesus” Supreme Court case ; )

  24. @nesika
    actually, that solution would cost $40 trillion.

    I have a better idea though. How about we all vote Ron Paul in 2012? and force all our representatives to actually follow the constitution. No more unconstitutional federal reserve. No more unconstitutional money *not* backed by gold and silver…

  25. Well, I’ve pretty much have lost everything. I lost my job last year, applied for roughly 500 jobs, was unemployed for 4 months and on the verge of bankruptcy, my ex-husband had to move in with me to help pay the bills, then I got a job at half of my salary and my ex-husband was laid off his job for 4 months, all this after I had to obtain a restraining order against a ex-boyfriend for stalking and harassment while my Mother was dying of brain cancer. In a way, you have to have a sense of humor to survive that, but this is what I learned-I think we all have gotten off track and this depression we are in, is needed to teach us to behave in a more compassionate way to our fellow man and change what drives us in life. In many ways, we have become a shallow crew, so maybe a little humbling is needed, to redefine us as a nation.

    • Daisy:

      You are a brave woman. I remember that the Chinese symbol for danger is also the symbol for opportunity. We are in dangerous times. We do have the opportunity to shift our values to something more real and fundamental, and, at last, more fulfilling — family, slowing down, creating, making a garden, learning to can fruits and vegetables, doing our own laundry, our own auto repairs, looking for ways to help our neighbors and make a community — a tribe — enjoying people, the sound of birds, the movement of life, and learning how, little at a time, to regain our freedom which comes from spending less money and more of the real stuff of living. You will be able to add to this list with your own ideas. You already have.

      Gerry

      Thanks,

      Gerry

  26. I complained for years about not having enough time to do all the things I wanted to, because I had too many clients. Now that I have no clients, I have time to do all those things – and I’m bitching that I have no clients.

    I’m sure you’ll agree that my core competency is complaining and if we can find a way to monetize THAT, we’ll all be lot richer.

  27. The current popular solution for depression is to pop a pill. This gives one a shallow temporary euphoria, or so I’m told. Later, if you don’t get your pills, an even deeper depression sets in. Some people have committed suicide from use of anti-depressants. It has become a push-button, pill-popping culture. Everyone expects and demands instant solutions. If contrariwise we willingly think into the deeper causes of things, get in touch with our inner selves, and prepare to do with a little less stuff, our depression will soon melt away in the morning sunshine. I guarantee it will work. It has for me!

  28. In 1967 I was the young wife of a sailor who was at sea and I was at home with a new baby.

    I had no money for food and heating oil. Temps dipped to 19 F and I had to do something.

    A Brain Storm hit: I could cash a check at the commissary and use it for food & fuel, then the next day, I could cash another check for the same amount and put that cash in the bank to cover the previous one each day until payday when the pay would cover it completely.

    This is how the baby & I made it thru the winter.

    Later when some friends were having financial difficulties, I told them of this magic method of saving themselves.

    The husband’s eyes got big as saucers and he said: “You CAN’T do that. It’s called check-kiting and it’s illegal in at least 48 states!”

    Since I had no idea that this was a crime when I did it to save baby & me, I was horrified to find our it was a criminal and since intent is part of a crime, my conscience was completely clear.

    Dang, and I’d thought I was onto something brilliant.

    I never did it again, but you know, thinking in that way for good and not evil might just help us solve the problems of this economy, you know? *L*

  29. Well, then…

    Last year, some guy was raffling off his $1.5 million house by selling raffle tickets for $50. apiece.

    Immediately I got this new Brain Storm: Why not take $500. out of savings and buy 1000 tickets and then sell them for $100. apiece. That’s like 100% profit and where’s the harm, if one of those tickets wins, someone still has a $1.5 million dollar house for $100.

    But then I thought, maybe that falls under some kind of “scalping” laws, and maybe there’s something about the original seller being able to guarantee the goods, while I couldn’t actually do that…

    Still… if everybody could do that, it would save the housing industry and put a little money in everybody’s pocket… wouldn’t it? ?:]]

  30. I don’t think I would have lived this long if I couldn’t see humor in just about everything. Not jokes, but everyday things that make up living. To laugh at myself. And the human condition. Laughter is as fundamental to life as breath. And it is delicious when you can make a lover or a friend laugh.

  31. So, when I said “People just talk about selves” on this blog – that was just so-so so. So, it’s not Exactly so.

    (Oh I need a hug)

  32. We’ve heard your story and believe your tail.

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