A Christmas Story from Argus Joseph Thompson, Insane

In his reverie Argus had the vision recorded below. (Jenny, his girl friend, has been at large for some time in the mountains of Wyoming and is known as the “Mountain Woman.” She is wanted for certain crimes against the corporate glob of which she is innocent.) Here is Argus’ recounting what took place. I again warn you that Argus claims to be insane. I cannot attest otherwise.

Then just after the Senate broke for the Christmas holiday, Jenny came bursting through the door of silver-haired Senator Sylvester Sinclair’s holiday office in Jackson, Wyoming. Seventy-three representatives of the coal industry were meeting with the great senator and laughing inordinately at one of his better jokes – something about why the rooster crossed the road.

Jenny stood there surveying the 72 men and one woman. She had one hand in the pocket of her coat, the other grasping a coil of nylon rope slung over her shoulder. What happened next was reported verbatim in the Washington Post because the senator happened to have his tape recorder in his bottom desk drawer going during his meeting with the coal people, “just in case he was misquoted later on.”

“This is a stick up,” Jenny announced pointing her finger at the senator through the pocket of her coat.

“Don’t shoot!” the lobbyist from Peabody Coal cried. “I can arrange a free trip for you to Hawaii on official government business. Well, then, how about an all-expense-paid trip to Tahiti?” Then he screeched, “I know who you are! You’re the Mountain Woman!”

“The Mountain Woman?” the senator cried. “Why bless your heart, my girl, you’re Jenny Baines Rogers!” The senator never forgot the name of a constituent. He rushed toward Jenny in long steps, his hand extended. “Why I knew your mama. She came to visit the great state of Wyoming back in…”

“Stand back!” Jenny warned swinging her pocketed finger toward the senator.

“No cause for alarm,” the senator said, pinning on his best big Wyoming smile. “Why, child, we were worried about you,” the senator said in his famous baritone. “I just got the Air Force to send out another two dozen ‘copters to look for you. Thank God, girl, you’ve come to me. I can intercede with the president for a pardon. I can get you an audience with Nancy Reagan. I know James Watt, personally—a sterling man with great influence in the timber industry. I can get you cheap housing in Philadelphia. I can get you and your boyfriend food stamps. I can …”

“This is a stick up,” Jenny repeated. “Hand over your Rolodex.”

“My Rolodex? Never!” the senator cried grabbing his Rolodex and clutching it to his chest. “You can have my autographed picture of Nixon, and the gold watch dear George W gave me, but I will never hand over my Rolodex!”

“Drop it!” Jenny said.

The great senator looked at Jenny – something about the glow in her eyes and the set of her mouth that, suddenly forced his compliance. With a shaking hand he handed the Rolodex to Jenny and then he asked, “What else can I do for you, little lady?” He straightened his suit and shot Jenny another of his big Wyoming smiles. “We all love Wyoming.”

“We love your state, too,” the guy from Peabody said. “We got a 127 permits to explore for minerals in the Teton National Forest alone. We’re neighbors, lady!” He extended his hand.

“We’re all for Wyoming, too,” the guy from Mountain Coal cried. “We own over a million acres of good ranch land we bought for the water rights so we can pipe out your coal in a slurry pipeline to our furnaces back east. Why, we pay more taxes in your state than any of the other big ten and…”

“Get your suck-tubes out of our state,” Jenny said.

“I can help,” silver-haired Senator Sylvester Sinclair cried. “I can get appropriations to clean up the mess left in the desert from the uranium mines, and I can get money to fill in the pits up in the Black Hills by raising the price of federal coal leases and…”

“You can’t do that!” cried the guy from Peabody. “Remember our arrangement!”

“I made no promises,” the senator said. “I never make promises. I have never voted in parallel with the economic support I may or may not have received from your corporation or any other corporation, and you know that. Admit it!” He glanced at his desk drawer to see that it was slightly cracked open.

“Absolutely, Senator.”

“Furthermore, I report every penny of my campaign contributions and all honorariums, and I have never written a book. I comply! I comply and comply. I also go to Senate Prayer Breakfasts every week.”

Then Jenny slipped a loop of rope around the leg of the senator’s great desk, popped open the window, and descended in a single, long, beautiful rappel to the ground and disappeared into the Christmas crowd that was shopping at Ralph Lauren’s local factory outlet store.

After that the press went crazy claiming that the Mountain Woman had terrorized the senator, and the FBI was, of course, embarrassed and called every available operative into the search for Jenny.

On Christmas morning a group of 40 nondescript, oily, swirly, surly citizens gathered around silver-haired Senator Sylvester Sinclair’s home in Casper. Someone had alerted FOX television, and as soon as the cameras were set up the people began to sing “Silent Night,” and the senator came out of his house in his pajamas and slippers with his big Wyoming smile. But the second verse of Silent Night deviated somewhat from the standard lyrics.

Silent Night. Holy Night,

All is dead.

All is blight.

Round yon virgin the air is all sour Raped and pillaged for money and power,

Sleep polluted today

Sleep in eternal decay.

As they began singing other verses the senator grew increasingly irritated, and he began to scold the people saying they had no right to desecrate the holy season with such unchristian carryings-on. Further, he knew every one of them—he called all the carolers by their first names—and he said he knew their daddies, and he told them to go home and thank God they lived in America where people were free to express themselves, even if they were ill-advised, such as they were, and he wished them all a Merry Christmas. Before they could finish the last verse he slammed the door. But they had come many a mile on Christmas, and they sang the last verse anyway.

Silent Night. Holy Night,

All’s calm,

But nothing is right

‘Round yon mountain the forests are bare;

All God’s creatures lie dead everywhere,

Made into money for more millionaires, So sleep in heavenly peace,

Sleep in heavenly peace.

And from that day until the senator returned to Washington, people picketed the senator’s house with signs that read, “Take the suck-tubes out of our Mother” and “Don’t sell our Mother to the corporate dead” and “Your mother is angry.” After he returned to Washington a small group of the same rag-taggers surrounded his town house with similar placards keeping a silent round-the-clock vigil. But nothing changed, at least not that a person could see at first. Not until the silver-haired senator’s Roledex in the hands of the Mountain Woman, began to reveal certain facts and bring about certain changes that were nearly imperceptible at first.

(This is all that Argus Joseph Thompson, Insane, told me at the time of this posting. Stay tuned.)


29 responses to “A Christmas Story from Argus Joseph Thompson, Insane

  1. Gerry,
    Don’t forget in Wyo the State Motto( SEAL of ZEAL) is:
    The poor shall inherit the earth, but not the mineral rights those are reserved for the friends of Senator
    Chanay, or Senator Simpleton, or Congresswoman Cubano,
    or Rep Inzay.
    Wyoming is the Colony where its(so called) REPS get massive money from Texas Companies, why Wyo is a mere colony of Texas Daily Plaza.
    Dicky Wonder -BAR BOY discovered the secret of Texas money, and selling out the HOME folks, why he rose so high in Halliburtons Inter-scantum, post Nixon-Watt backscratching.
    But, isn’t Senator Simpleton your good PAL, sends you B-day greetings, says he is one of you (wink wink).
    Don’t forget that Watt was indicted for a large numbers of Felony violations in the HUD scandal, but walked with a slap on the wrist.(after the DOJ(and its POLITICAL AG) dropped most of them, and laughed about it,… some real political favors, for PARTY fair haried Christain guys.
    Isn’t he too your Teton neighbor out at the Spring Creek—dude– ranch(Teton).
    Oh yes, another XMAS season, and Argus, and some EGG-NOG, the
    Joy of chasing Mount woman, around the North 40.
    Will you be having some
    Holiday Spirits with DICK
    the crusader, at the TETON, Silver Dollar Bar to celebrate his defense of all values, held scared in Jackson Hole, and, and to watch the ELK leave their horns(antlers) for the trophy banker homes(2nd, 3rd, and 4th), at the PINES.
    Glory be to the hydrocarbon center of America, and its pipelines to CITYGATE, Chicago, Philly, and St Louis.. where it is cold as all hell, it is not Globaly warm at this moment.
    Moutain Woman, reveals, what has been known about WYO PARTY politics since the time REP Cubano pased out her Cookies to all the lobbyist in the shape of
    a Tiger PAW.

  2. Thank the stars above for insane people. As for suck tubes, I hear they’re biodegradable now.

  3. Oh my ! That silence you hear is all of us stayng tuned.

  4. Is Gerry’s name in the Rolodex,
    Argus’ girl friend has opened a can of worms.
    Wyo politcs is very wooly.
    Now, a $ 500 million super computer is being put in a new Wyoming climate science center, to study( computer modeling) all the soot put into the air from all that coal burned, after shipped out of Wyoming.

  5. Are there any real people left in America with the courage of this “Mountain Woman”? If so, we need thousands more to turn the tide of greed. If not, then we are as doomed as our environment.

  6. If only we could get it together and commence building our broken country. We need to reconstruct the representative form of democracy that very obviously isn’t providing an acceptable life for the majority of Americans. The very fact that we are spending billions of dollars invading other countries while we have hungry children and an icredibly underated education system is not democracy for us. Thanks Gerry, keep those terrific blogs coming!

  7. splendid Gerry. A lot of people are happy because they have made Argu insane. Its the same deceit taking place in Copenhagen. Denial, denial – ah! fool’s peotry.

  8. Gerry-
    But didn’t TLC just hire an exec director who is both a lobbyist and former President of the Wyoming Landowners Association?

  9. I think the Mountain Woman should have taken more than his Rolodex. With or without contact information these kind of skunks can easily sniff one another out. Should have also taken his Rolex…

  10. Yes R. Masters, there really are Jennys in the world; not too many but they do exist. You may call it having “courage” but it’s more about knowing that on your death bed (as a woman anyway) you will be asking yourself what difference you made in this world. For some people anyway, saying to themselves “I’m so glad I spent $10,000 on that gorgeous dress, it just made my life” isn’t going to work. It has to be more on the order of: How many children did I save, how many animals had a life that wouldn’t have had, etc. It’s selfish probably but positive in that it alleviates suffering and saves lives. They exist.

  11. POMFDB- Peace of Mind for the Death Bed

    must be the antithesis of MBS- Moral Burnout Syndrome

    Happy Holidays all.

  12. paw paw,

    I am happy to see you are still playing with Argus. I saw a new movie today, it cost 230 million dollars to make and was really nice. It also shares a message that I think you would enjoy.

    All I ask is that you have someone take a picture of you with the 3-D glasses and send it to me for Chrsitmas.



  13. As a “Wyoming ” Mountain Woman myself, (and not a “Blue Mountains Woman”- atleast as portrayed on the Internet) makes me extremely grateful this hoiday season.

    Also for even being in this country when we see the horrendous suffering currently in other parts of the world.

    Maybe this is a good week to be grateful for all that we DO have and cherish, atleast through the New Year.

    Have a happy and ESPECIALLY healthy one everybody.

  14. A tip for the Holidays:

    “You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.”

    Bill Cosby

  15. Didn’t Mountain Woman steal Senator Snuff’s rolo-dex for her XMAS card list ?
    She obviously came down to lower elevations in Jackson Hole just like the Elk, wintering.
    Argus sure has a lot of tales, are we vectored into his deep, very deep thoughts of and from the insane , as we comment ?We all know how much Gerry (and Argus by way of saga renditions) digs the manger story of Joseph, Mary and little Jesus, and
    the Load Star guiding the givers of gifts to the Lord’s son.
    (Luke 2.7).
    According to Luke 2.6-7, Mary had other childern besides Jesus.
    Joy to the World.
    Peace on Earth for 2010, well a wish anyway, do we really know the difference between a Talaban, and a
    member of the bribed health care conference Committee..

  16. Because this village on the web reminds me of a,(sacrilege ) early Christian outpost in asia minor I’d like to wish you all a happy Christmas and to all a good night.

  17. It actually sounds like the vigil of Enzi– the story told by an avowed insane Argus.
    Except, the people of Wyoming vote for Senator coal, term after term.
    So it is recorded in the dead sea of sage scrolls.
    The tubes stuck in mother earth must
    be a way of having all the voters in
    Wyoming co- opted to avoid State income taxes
    some real tax- avoidance haven in Wyoming
    like some off- shore island in the middle of the sea of sage.
    So much, in Wyoming politcs is crazy.
    The place that gave America Dicky— Halliburton– Cheney
    How many in Wyo got a chunk of coal in their
    XMAS stocking, yesterday ?

  18. Yes, this is a Christmas Story any I hope the Mountain Woman doesn’t shoot her eye out. Keep up the good work.


  19. “When a man wants to murder a tiger he calls it sport; when the tiger wants to murder him he calls it ferocity.”

    George Bernard Shaw – Maxims for Revolutionists

  20. Check out this from Don Richter-
    WY annexed by Texas, maybe this can enlighten a few about the vindictive Texans and their CYA actions to justify the near 80 mill bill against the FLDS, and finding out the only victims are the Texas taxpayers.
    Quote: “At this season of the year when Christian nations are commemorating the birth of the Savior, let us put things into perspective by considering the case of His mother Mary. Biblical scholars generally believe that she was between the ages of twelve and fourteen when she conceived the Christ child and that her betrothed husband Joseph was a much older man. Marriages of this sort were more the norm than the exception at this period of time; and since plural marriage had been practiced among the Jews for centuries, it is highly unlikely that Mary was Joseph’s first wife either. God obviously did not condemn Joseph for marrying this young lady. When Joseph learned that his betrothed wife was due to give birth to a child and was “minded to put her away privily,” the angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and counseled him to take unto himself his wife “for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Ghost.” Joseph was further favored of the Lord when the angel appeared to him in dreams, warning him to take the child into Egypt for protection and advising him when it was safe to return. Had Joseph and his family lived in modern-day Texas, however, he would have been imprisoned as a pedophile, Mary placed in a battered women’s shelter, and Jesus made a ward of the state.” The full article is at FLDS.com
    thx, mik

  21. Does not the Bible tell that Mary conceived other Childern besides Jesus ?
    And, of course, it was not written in English.
    But often many years after the events it purports to describe by assorted scribes.
    I am fasinated on the story on Jesus kicking the money changers out of the temple, which was a big tipping point with the high priests.
    All time is marked to the A D.

  22. the Christians are the new money changers.
    they call it ‘faith based” monies, creating dickinson like environments for the poor with no hope in reality and at the same time live very well.

    ah, the money changers

    we need to find the rock, that Christ referred to as the church

    separation of church, state and services to the poor

    where the study of theology is by choice

  23. Update and final chapter:

    Jenny is no longer in the mountains but in a rehab facility. Although she was young enough to be Argus’ daughter, he wore her out and she could no longer keep up with him.
    End of story.

  24. And as you can see, she’s even suffering from “Disassociation symptoms”!

  25. Oh my…..that would be “DisassociatIVE symptoms.”

  26. Dear Argus: I see this post about christmas and realize I did not send you any seasons greeting last year. Sorry.

  27. Just read this (a year late)
    hey fox news wouldn’t cover a story like this, they own the coal people!

  28. “There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I (we?) have erased this line.”

    Oscar Levant

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