So, poor me, I was rejected as a kid when I wanted so desperately to belong to a fraternity. I was rejected from the legal fraternity when I failed the bar. How about when I ran for Congress, and after that, when I tried to get a job as a law professor, and later, when I wanted to become a judge and was rejected for both of these positions by the structure in power?
I have never thought about this in this way before – but all of these were, in fact, clubs: the fraternity, a club to be sure, the congressional and academic brotherhoods, and the political club that governs the judiciary. You did not belong to the club, Mr. Spence. You were an outsider. You were not to be trusted, because you did not belong and we will not have you.
The result of not belonging has given me the greatest gift – the gift of rejection which demanded that I discover ways to be useful without belonging to the club. I began the long inquiry into the self. Who is this person, Gerry Spence? What, if anything does he have to offer? If I belonged to the club, any club, that club would set its rules and standards and make its judgments – for me.
By being rejected I became acquainted with the pain of the common man who also is not a member. I learned to care. I learned something about enduring loneliness. I learned to speak the language of the people and to feel the pain of powerlessness. I sought associations with those who were creative – artists of various sorts, individuals who had something to offer because they were, themselves, pariahs and had experiences in living that the club members could never have. That included mountain climbers, tramps, social outcasts, and beautiful people who lived quiet, gentle lives and were successful mothers and fathers and knew a great deal about love.
I attribute any important successes I may have enjoyed in my life to rejection. If I had become a frat kid I would likely have developed skills that would have led me in a different direction. I would have enjoyed golf and golfers and would have associated with a lot of bankers and business sorts.
Had I been elected to Congress I would have been ruined as a human being. Had I gone to the University as a professor I would have stagnated in academia, or gotten into a lot of trouble. The Dean was wise in not hiring me. I wouldn’t have lasted as a judge. I would have little patience for the phony, the incompetent, the cruel. I would not have had enough respect for precedent or for the rule of law when these came slamming up against justice as they often do.
Rejection has been the greatest of all gifts I have received. The power structure has it own wisdom. I would not have been a good club member.
On the other hand, the power structure freed me to take them on. Had I been a member of the club I would never have been free to fight for certain of the causes that have defined me. As a result of these gifts over fifteen years ago I started Trial Lawyers’ College to teach lawyers how to beat the power structure, to win against large corporations and against the enslavement and injustices of government. I tip my hat to the power structure. You have given me much. I have tried to give much in return, even when it includes the chance to beat you.
Your story is not a coincidence. Things happen for a reason. For all the lives you’ve touched and helped- thank you! Mitch
Yes, Gerry, I too have known the sting of rejection. Like you, I was once a prosecutor, but the voters rejected me when I ran for re-election. I had done too good a job, convicted the murderers and child molesters, and would not play ball with the rich and powerful on their terms. I ran for judge, but mercifully finished third in the primary. Hell, even the local Rotary Club rejected me, and I had only applied so that I wouldn’t hurt a friend’s feelings–they said that I had sued one of their members.
But, out of this rejection, and having nowhere to go, I found the Trial Lawyers College, and acceptance. I found a place where I could be me, with all of my flaws, and yet be loved for the person I am. Most importantly, I met you and have had the chance to learn that my weaknesses can be my greatest strengths if I will only embrace them, for they define my humanity, my connection with others who are also less than perfect. Thank you for the wonderful gift of allowing me to be me, and for the chance to understand that there can be a gift in rejection if we will only look hard enough to find it.
When one word has no superlative, Mr. Spence, you are “the” best! not enough? I like your style and I wanted to be “the ” first to commend your approach to speaking straight forward.
Adam…David Getman, this time around.
Mr. Spence, thank you for posting this.
It’s the night before the final exam of my first semester of law school, and your post really cheered me up.
I also wanted to say that I really look up to you and you were one of the reasons I chose to go to law school. I hope that I can one day have a career as meaningful as yours.
But, you were part of the insurance defense bar for sometime.
That was a club.
The pivotal Groucho Marx point was when, with that club?
Brilliant, Gerry, thanks for writing it.
I shed opportunities to join clubs like a duck sheds rain. It can be lonely, but I don’t seem to be able to do otherwise. And, like you, the times I did apply for “membership” I was rejected. The gate keepers could see right through me. What they couldn’t see–though it was plain to me– is, they would have had a fine, transformational member, had they let me in. But usually I breathed a sigh of relief.
I remember in one of your books, you were arguing for more creativity and less conformity. At the same time you wrote that you were not suggesting we slip the harness. But I have not found one that was, long, bearable; I’ve slipped them all. I’m still searching, trying to avoid rejection.
Thanks again for writing
Great stuff Gerry. It’s good to know that the tough road can lead to more interesting places.
Your observation is dead nuts on! Rejection taught me to know myself. After all if one does not know himself, how can he/she truly know someone else?
I do hospice volunteering and much of what folks observe of themselves is how they fit in. Not necessarily in that exact term but in meaning. The relevance most seek to understand is totally free of material things and rich of their life’s stories of family, friends and emotional experiences. Many of these stories include the “stumbles” made along the way. In retrospect they find humor in these “rejections” as opposed to the horror of the actual occurrence.
OK, I’ll be brave and strong today. “I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.” Psalms 121:1 (Or, in my case today, the Rockies)
That seems like story of my life :)-
Very well said Sir. I think the way you have used ‘rejection’ so positively is the best way to turn negative stuff into positive and get the most out of it instead of complaining. What I have learned in my life is, everything happens for a reason. I have been rejected to many times but when I look back into my life I really think that I have accomplished a lot in my life because rejections made me stronger and made me work harder.
Excellent article Mr. Spence
In the political landscape of corruption in our country rejection was a good thing.
For you bravely took on many cases that under other lawyers, probably would have been lost to this most corrupt government we now have.
You are to be commended for your bravery and courage in cases like
I was a junior in college when I read “How To Argue And Win Every Time”. Now 16 years later I am a Realtor about to write a blog referencing your remarkable book. In an effort to ensure I had the title correct I googled you and found your blog. I was touched by your recent post. Unknowingly you have had a profound impact on my life. I am truly grateful you were “rejected”.
On the subject of rejection – my theory is that is doesn’t exist except in the minds of those who don’t know who they are. Understanding the gift of who you are gives you the confidence to be an individual. My individuality can not be rejected because it stands alone and is not dependent on others. I may not be a match for everyone as a mate, as a professional, as a group member or as a friend and that is neither good nor bad, it simply is. Unfortunately many don’t know how to love themselves more than they care what others think. I look forward to changing that for at those whose lives I come in contact.
Again, thank you…for caring enough to share. I look forward to following your blog.
Best wishes for a remarkable journey,
Hi Mr. Spence
It’s like I’ve always said in that (I’ve) never been good enough either through groups, fraternity, job applications etc, but, (I’ve) ALWAYS out-performed the best?
The life of the PROUD resister; stay good in kind to yourself.
PS: Would like to come visit you!
Accept or reject?
This should be of interest of any concern parent, moreover, it will
explain to you how TIs are identified, monitored, and either destroyed
Charlotte Iserbyt – Deliberate Dumbing Down of the World
Pro 1:10 My son, if sinners entice thee, consent thou not.
If they say, Come with us, let us lay wait for blood, let us lurk privily for the innocent without cause:
Let us swallow them up alive as the grave; and whole, as those that go down into the pit:
We shall find all precious substance, we shall fill our houses with spoil:
Cast in thy lot among us; let us all have one purse:
My son, walk not thou in the way with them; refrain thy foot from their path:
For their feet run to evil, and make haste to shed blood.
Surely in vain the net is spread in the sight of any bird.
And they lay wait for their own blood; they lurk privily for their own lives.
So are the ways of every one that is greedy of gain; which taketh away the life of the owners thereof.
We are Called to walk In His Liberty rather than be bound to others with oaths and greedy or prideful desires. Anything less may lead us to bind others but actually only holds us down in the mire with others of such sort.
Its hell out here when in the past our wrongdoings have been measured with a ruler of the law.I’ve become very upset and saddened by the rejection rate of common places were i was expected 2 b hired in so much that i feel deeply discouraged.In the upcoming days I am going 2 personally volunteer in hospitals,or YMCA so that I can fight back in a loving way.Again Gerry,thanks in advance for sharing your experiences with us and may God continue 2 bless your heart for many yearz 2 come.
Great post Mr. Spence. I have just started my own solo practice at the age of 40 after a career in corporate america. My hope is to one day be a Warrior for Justice, to find my own path to self awareness and an understanding of true humanity. Your life has been an inspiration to me.
I love you Gerry Spence! Please hire me to work for you — I’m a legal secretary, and I love the West! Not kidding…..Merry Christmas and all that….HUGS!
Reminds me greatly of a wonderful friend who is a moderator on a forum. His signature line is: I will not be a member of any organization that would have me as a member. Says it all, huh?
Merry Christmas to you and yours old friend~Margie
My response is in the United States Postal Services. All commerce is now under the Intermodal Surface Transportation Efficiency Act (infrastructure privatization ), signed April 30 1992, in fact.
It concerns immunity provided people who reject other people (individual taxpayers and living peons and opts out to become franchised). The States have been merged with the Department of Transportation.
If this abuse continues, the International scheme of unfree labor pools mismanaging the “cooked books” which simulate legal process
“Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.”
Here is proof Gerry is right. Just look at these super achievers who were rejected over and over – some even by their SCHOOL TEACHERS!
(Maybe this is a good article to keep to show children struggling in school, etc., along with Gerry’s article)
At a time when Americans are just realizing that the world we live in is made up of people who do not necessarily see things as the majority do here, it is an honor for me to hear your words of wisdom. I only wish that you were a little younger, and spry, where you could represent us around thw world as we truly are, or should be. Oh well, gotta go, time for the Jerry Springer show. Happy Holidays.
First of all, Merry Christmas to you and yours! I have to let you know, now, I have figured out WHY I have admired you all of these years. My admiration of you didn’t come from the monetary rewards you won but from your character and demeanor I perceived in you.
In today’s blog, you answered my WHY question about you because, having never personally met you and not being a lawyer, I always wondered about WHY I had these feelings for you. My friend, today, you answered my own question. What a tremendous blog!
For years, I tried to belong and was accepted into some of the “clubs” you mentioned but was I was never happy. Others couldn’t understand when I voluntarily walked away from a major “club” to start over and to start being happy with myself and what I do and who I am. In fact, until today, I didn’t understand the underlying issues.
Thanks again, my friend, for continuing to help people you don’t even know you helped.
R. David Byrd
Pingback: A Sum of Zero « Military Underdog
Being one of the graduates of your Trial Lawyers College, I say thank God you were rejected. But let’s talk about being a target. I am truly horrified by how Julian Assange is apparently being targeted by our government, all because of its embarrassment. Whether governments like it or not, Assange is the new version of a journalist. I hear that the government is trying to get him indicted, or has already succeeded. To me this looks like an extraordinary abuse of power and it should rally the defenders of the people. As soon as all of this started breaking, I kept thinking to myself that Assange needs to hire you. I hope for his sake that he never needs to, but if he does, I hope you will be open to it. I would love to read a post from you on this topic. Regard, Genie
If you can’t join ’em, beat ’em!
Mr. Spence, Your thoughts and writing are fantastic! I wish you well!!
Gerry, after reading rejection I understand the full meaning of “Even Rejection is Success.”
June 2, 2008
If the masses only knew; thank you for protecting the clueless who enjoy telling buffoonish “lawyer jokes” on generic blogs.
Gerry: your words and the way you perceive situations is inspiring. Most would let rejection ruin them. It has inspired you, as you have in return inspired so many.
Elmo is so proud to have known Mr. Green Frog. Any ideas on how to fix this, Green Frog?
“I have tried to give much in return, even when it includes the chance to beat YOU.”
If we go back to the beginning of HOMO SAPIENS and carry that plural “YOU” to the present, and IT is the POWER structure that rules OR murders the innocent to get its own way – that YOU has always been “MALES!”
Whether it’s “terrorists” under Sharia law or any “religious” wars throughout history, OR Republicans vs Democrats even today, it HAS ALWAYS BEEN ABOUT/STILL IS “MALE SEXUALITY!”
MALES TRYING TO CONTROL FEMALES IN SEXUAL SERVITUDE AT ANY COST.
Therefore, in my humble opinion, unless FEMALES literally take over the world in the very near future – man is doomed. China has been working toward this end a lot faster than the US as their women are” rising “faster than those in the US. Even Canada has a majority of women comprising their Supreme Court including the Chief Justice.
If women who are biological nurturers do NOT take control FAST, and DO NOT HAVE THIS POWER OBSESSION, I really believe it’s over. Everything has been controlled by MALES to this day and sex driven agendas have ALWAYS and STILL cause every injustice and suffering in this world.
It hurts but it’s true.
And if I never get one thing posted again that’s ok, I said it.
I’ll still love ya!
I just read Half-Moon and Empty Starts: Oh my!
I read about 125 books a year and that is one I won’t have to read the cover page to remember it!
Wow. That one’s a heart twister.
I was mad because Abner didn’t have an investigator ($) and “they” never looked for any other suspect. lol
Love you on tv also.
I think you are someone who has a growth mindset. Based on what you express there are always something connected with growing. This is a good mindset. I wonder whether you are born with this mindset or the pain that you have experienced in your life makes you set it the way it is now.
Anyway, you have a lot of good points.
Make that Empty STARS in my post; not STARTS.
Obviously I read as opposed to typing…
Banal but true: Dr. Phil would say to you: “Yep, no question all that rejection WORKED for ‘ya.”
The gift of rejection…I hadn’t realized it’s value…Thanks.
Thank you Gerry. I gently wept as I read the most recent post. Though my accomplishments pale in comparision I am relieved to know that I share a common “club” with you. Go with the “God” of your understanding and I will surely reconnect with you along the path.
Gerry I enjoyed reading this post your insights, and so can relate
“genious is an infinite capacity for taking pains”… thanks,Irene Carlson.
To Eric L. Mayer – Pingback: A Sum of Zero, Military Underdog
Nice picture of you and if recent – you are still quite young.
Wondering if you bothered to watch all of the 68 minutes of the video on this blog “Legalshowtime, USvsFeiger& Johnson-Bring it On”
It is doubtful because you would not have been able to make the statements you have without getting your tongue permanently stuck in you cheek.
Youth is for learning the hard way Eric – we’ve ALL been there and survived. You will also.
Best to you.
PS. Regarding people who have earned money the “Old fashioned way” – by hard work and doing nothing illegal, since we are now “Enlightened” these days with 50+ billionaires signing on with Bill Gates and Warren Buffet in a pledge to leave atleast 1/2 of their fortunes to charity and philanthropic causes – it is probably a good time for us to start using our “Heads” as you mentioned, and NOT ridiculing WHERE THEY HANG THEIR HATS!!
They CAN change their minds you know if they feel it isn’t/won’t be appreciated by the POORER MASSES, and that CHILD THAT MAY BE SAVED through medical research, etc. COULD BE YOURS!
May we all think a little deeper than just our impulsive emotions in the New Year.
Now I understand WHY that young lady “Susan” (on the blog until about 1 yr ago) stated she was studying to “Represent myself if I ever need it”.
I get it now!!!! LOL
Eric’s rejection is hereby REJECTED on the grounds he didn’t watch the video for one thing.
I am trying to find a way to get in touch with you and tell you about a great in justice that has been done to some workers in a small town and they really need some help because there is so much lying and covering up going on that you cannot even get the mayor to listen. Due to she would look bad when all the dishonesty comes out about how the taxs payers were riped off for years on there water meters and tax’s on there property. It is really hard to belive in this time and age that this could happen but it did and went on for 15 years and the crooks are still working in public service jobs and the good people either got fired for telling the truth or they said that all the older employees that they were getting rid of them. Because they new to much. We think that we have come along way from when the mofia was running things but I am not so sure about that there is just a differnt type of thief running the show now. And because they have authorite they are suppose to be looked up to and belived. Well that is part of the problem there when someone speaks up we need to listen and really see if there is something there or not. And go from there not pull the wool over our eyes and just pretend that nothen is going on. When we do that we are going backwards not forward. I hope that people don’t run into this to often. Or maybe if they did it would bring about change.
Time for the Good old boys to be run out of town.
“Had I been elected to Congress I would have been ruined as a human being. ”
…says it all. This should be memorialized in bronze somewhere, like the steps to Capital Hill.
Mr. Green Frog, someone on “Pingback” who is criticizing your book “How to Argue and Win Everytime”- never read it for comprehension.
Happy Birthday Week Sir Gerry!!
Will post again on YOUR 100th too!
From everyone and our pets
Nicest greeting yet. Thank you.
Judge Johnson of 4th Circuit Court, Deadwood, SD and the South Dakota Bar has been notified of this extreme injustice against Vietnam Era Disabled Veteran Rick Thorne……
Subject: DISABLED VIETNAM VETERAN DENIED JUSTICE IN STURGIS… – Ed Schultz Message Board
And a final warning to folks to make sure they are being rejected by “REAL” people atleast – and NOT “Chat Bots”( programmed computers that chat away with people).
Now THAT is a waste of time – rejection by a robot!
Gerry, Many journeys have unplanned meetings that turn up the best relationships. No wonder I thought of you as were are looking for someone to take on the case of my son’s mother’s unnatural death at the hands of those club members whose only measure is the paper in their wallets and the numbers in their accounts. Reading your site I see that you have the same direct approach to life that my son and I share. It seems however that you are on another journey and I see a great beauty in your travels ahead. I know little of you, yet I hear that you’ve earned it. Heck, we all earn it just by being here, it is just a choice that we have to give ourselves the time to enjoy. There is so much to do here on this beautiful little planet, so much to correct, so many to wake up and watch how they grow in their own way. I hope that you get to see some of this and that. Sometimes all of our knowledge and deep insights on the truth of things pales in comparison to the simple presence of …………..those things I just can’t describe, but have felt…those nameless things that give us a comfort beyond earning. If you have a contact that is like you then call us. If not, don’t . Thanks Gerry, SP
It is so good to hear a happy, clear, nonjudgmental voice. Without the likes of you we would be scratching at the walls of hell.
Get over yourself. You are certainly NOT a common man. You are a rich, arrogant, pompous lawyer who really cares not one wit for the common man, unless of course you can make money off of them. And you didn’t start your hero worship factory to help lawyers beat the power structure, you started it to line your pockets and feed your insatiable ego. As one judge you recently appeared in front of said about you, “Spence is the most arrogant lawyer and the biggest asshole I have ever met.” You are a fraud.
Can we type, “How about Fuck You!” here????
If not, what about “Go Fuck Yourself”?????
Just curious ; )
Sometimes in this day and age asshole is all we have. Gerry I give you great respect for your work, keep it up.
If you ever get bored from “Rejecting” us – we’d love to hear your detailed opinions on the WikiLeaks mess. Thanks and best.
I/We LOVE YOU………..
Gerrry I /We love kid
, We have ,spent ou r s live.s
The masses don’t get it’ Our parent were RIGHT>!
And BTW; I came home from schol n th 9th grade and found my father haging from the pipes in our ! 1 commplete and 1/4 hrooom in t;he basemenSo, I have lived t hrough worsse tanl oyou; what is your ppoint?
At the end – Ilive onj the Island of pPalmBeach – you ;as—-w-willnnnnnnever havde gthe abiltity to turn it down Your Addictoed NOSW ato TALINGING ABOUT SOUrSElvES – L
Ger darling, I couldn’t forgget tit on my death bed. I actually “went with” the Jeswish Dr. who saved a “suicidal NUN, froma klling herslef.
I wa 17 years old and Ms. Massachussetts.
ii know it sounds crzay.but …Yes,back in the late 70’s I was PROPOsED toBY DONALD RUMSFELD-YUPP- And I rEfusED HLis pROPOSWAL.
AUNK: I have spent life dealilng with idots off all coloraa NS NrionLIRIA;my ENTIRE idioTSWE WILL SEE WHO WINS.
sORRLYL gERRY;i POSTD THIS ON THE WRONGFSIGTE. iT BELONGED ONA NOTHERBLOG – BUT you WERE TYHE ONLY BLOG i EVER CARE ABOUTY BUT YOU ATRE NnoT THERANLY LONER,i KNO0QW.
tHIS IS 2 MINUT4S AFTER WATCHIN WHAT ai HABVDE POSTE4D ” iT’Snot ABOUT ME wE HAV DONE GTHE VEST SWE COUD IN LIFE wOULD OYOU ACTUALLLLLLLLLLHY PUT iMAGINGS bREAT IMPLANTOUT6 THER UNDER THEGUISE OF tRUITHY”?
iiAMAGING,K YOU WERE BRIGHTER THAN i
YOU, I learned a=from with the biggest Physicist in the country-
IUlove you Imaginl, we are both going throyugh the4 saME3 THING- TOGETHER ..
100 lbs and 1 glass of wine = “Wine Postings”
Please don’t post. I shall not ever post again if you do and I’ll miss you.
If I ever have another glass again – THEN you can post it/them.
PS. Good laugh from Jeff Reese’s posting: Sure proves you’ve still GOT IT!!!
I’m not sure of what to think about Jeff Reese but I do know what to think of Gerry Spence and that is he aint doin it for the green stuff, he could have made a lot more of it by joining the Club but these are just my thoughts. Tom
Like you, I have spent a good portion of my life knocking myself out trying to hook up with a “club” to belong to without success. Also like you, I have come to realize what a precious gift that is. I am doing what I choose with my life, my friends are people whom I want to be with, not whom I hope will continue to accept me, and , most of all, I not only know who I am, I’m damn proud of the person I’ve made myself into. Your blog was the first articulation I’ve seen about such a discovery. Thanks for sharing it!
Hi Gerry: I just wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed your book The Making Of A COUNTRY LAWYER. Actually I just finished it, I loved reading about your up bringing in Wyoming and things you and your father did together and your mother and all of her cooking and canning and church going. I was very sad for you and your family when little Peggy died. How difficult that must have been for all of you and grieving so differently from one another. I was born in Henderson Tenn. where my Dad was a share cropper and my Mom a house wife. I remember alot of things that were alot like your child hood. Except my Dad was not a hunter, also we moved to Az. in 1956 when I was 4 yr. old. My mom has been gone from us since 2002 and I am preparing to move in with my dad. He was born in Oct. 1929 and is a real go getter, still at his age. Goes to the casino alot and plays poker but has never been a drinker, I was the drinker in our family. My dad never learned to read or write but did very well for himself and his family. Anyway did not mean to get off on my family, I really loved your book and your storytelling touched me so much. Your child hood and my dads were very much alike except that you received an education where as he did not. I think if I knew you personally I would really like you. I hope your are well and your wife Imaging and all your children and grandchildren. I think you are phenomenal and anyone who says other wise must be closed minded. My Best To You: Charlotte
My best to your dad.
Group rejection, the soul force of a justice movement!
The octogenarian author of Protest Diablo, Living and Dying Under the Shadow of a Nuclear Power Plant lay at the curb of Vandenberg handcuffed by a twenty-something base cop. Moments before, my four year old granddaughter Rosie with her sights on our friend skipped alongside to deliver picnic goodies to the 8 protesters. “Mommy, why are they hurting Judy?” How could I respond to such innocence?
I am answering her now with with this comment. “Sweetie Pie, I lobbed my American Express Card to find out why… editing Judith’s fifty-year archive, restructuring her manuscript, drafting letters to Helen Caldicott, sorting out the Karen Silkwoods, Garlic and Honey Bear and other aliases, soliciting dialogue for the Storming of the Gate….Lacing up memories for something grand.
Gerry, is there not a screenplay here? The guerilla grandmothers… The sheer scale of this non-violent direct action mass arrest… The Defense of Necessity Trial…. civil obedience, that is to say obeying a higher law.
Let’s transform this rejection by the Nuclear Non-Breathers at the precipice of our freedoms into the victory of a feature -length fool’s vision.
Sending Love to you Gerry from the Central Coast… Janet and Rosie.
at every point in life-there is a choice to make.. The most annoying thing I hear from people is ‘ I had no choice”.There are the easy paths and the paths we have to hack out for ourselves..that is our choice every day of our lives..to follow someone elses path or make our own. In order to feel rejection you have to seek acception from others. Accept who and what you are and move swiftly to pursue your dreams and goals.
Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage. ~ Anais Nin
I love that quote. Everyone should take it to heart. What is the use of being fearful of what others will think when we’re harming our own lives?
What you describe is exactly what every woman needs to hear. The recent spate of school-age-girl suicides tell us that. These girls died because they were hounded and shunned by “the club.” Such social intimidation is a training ground for a society that wants women to voluntarily give up their freedom and options because they are afraid of rejection.
I’m lucky that I had to face that early in life. My interests were not in conformance to society’s demands. I was absorbed in horses — horrors. Back then, girls weren’t supposed to be consumed by anything other than dolls and tea parties. Women weren’t supposed to be horse trainers. I refused to stop being with those I loved so I could do what I hated. So there was that.
My mother was psychologically abusive. She hated everything about me, including what most parents would have appreciated. I either had to accept her definition of me as a vile person or I had to go with my own definition. There was no chance of combining the two, so I learned early on to be the outsider.
Then I married a violent man and got a divorce. Horrors again. Not done. I was told I had to stay married and “work it out.” I was even told it was my fault he was violent. There were few laws and even less enforcement to protect my children and I. So once again, I was on the outs. I either complied with society, or I got to live. Not a hard choice in my book.
I’ve never looked back. I’m happy being the outsider. I have the freedom to be me and if others don’t like it, so what? I have enough friends who like me as I am. They are incredibly supportive. What more could I ask?
I have a hard time feeling sympathy for those who choose a life of fear based on what others may think. I try to understand, but I’ve been on the outside for so long, it’s hard for me to imagine the benefits gained vs. what they give up.
In the end, the most important person’s opinion about myself is my own. If I can’t like who I am, then what’s the point?
Thank you, Mr. Spence, for this essay on the gift of rejection. It is a valuable contribution I enjoyed.
have guardian who wont quit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The wonderful thing about blogging is the rejection is INSTANTANEOUS so you get over it quicker………..
“Blogging is feedback through a firehose!”
David Carr, New York Times Columnist 🙂
“My mother had morning sickness AFTER I was born.”
Anyone who is feeling rejected – this should START to put things in perspective. (If if doesn’t post, simply google Youtube video of Josh Groban and Sara Brightman singing All I ask of you. Enjoy.
Thank you, and love ya, kid.
Maybe in the next life.
Am alone at the end, and am SO happy that you saw and appreciated this.
Not compared to YOUR money of course, made out a BIG check (compared to the average lawyer in TLC) to TLC this week,
Will be received this coming week.
Nope. I would NOT have put you- at any time- in a closet, while I was REDECORATNIG.
We can finally say the TRUTH at the END, and it’s FUNNY!
Last true word I’d like to leave you with:
BOTH of our mothers were NOT NORMAL! It was NEVER about us.
Your mother committed suicide when You were 19, if I remember correctly in your book.
When I was 14, my FATHER hung himself. My MOTHER was the HEAD NURSE at Phillips House 3 (Orthopedics) at Mass General Hospital. (Most prestigious role for ANY NURSE in the entire USA.)
We WERE VICTIMS-!
Neverf hurt a living thing since. Never even had a child because I was afraid I might do to that child what I had been through. (turned downed literally a Cabinet Member in the WH – widower- because of it.
When I tried to talk to her about my father hanging himself…was the ONLY child at home at the time-age 14:
Virginia:” i knew HE was going to do it, I just didn’t know WHEN. IT”S EASIER NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT.”
Well, guess what. Virginia’s FIRST boyfriend was a HARVARD DR. who had had TIME FOR HER to talk about it. He was also a DR. who was doing A
It’s just EASIER NOT to think about it. I KNEW it was going to vappen but I didn’t know when.”
Not typing so well but you get the idea. My hat is off to you, you had MORE courage than I did. Never even DARED have a child because of it.
Harvard, Yale, Harley Street DRs. to ROYALTY…..(saw the Mediteranean -what I saw in the oldest monastery in the world’s basement-on an island off Cannes – still leaves me with nightmares about religion.) Actually turned down a proposal by the Asst. Sec of the Interior of this country because of it.
Oh yea, I love you.
Seeing what is happening in the world today – 7 BILLION souls suffering and hurting – I can die in peace.
I made the right decision.
But the TLC Scholarship Fund gets another nice check in the mail any day now if it hasn’t already!
(Cause you’ve been the greatest SHRINK and you “Do good work” with everything you touch, so to speak.)
WOW. I really let it all out, didn’t I. Thank you for being there and listening.
Seems posted on wrong blog.
Correct blog: Thank you for ALL I’ve learned and been exposed to for the past 2 1/2 (?) years since discovering your blog. Read MANY of your books but in 2000 when I read the COVER of your autobiography in Barnes and Noble (Mother shot herelf in head, suicide, drank too much etc.)
We survived it. Made us bigger, if it does’t KILL you.
NOW we probably BOTH know WHY WE read the “SCIENTISTS” blogs at the end – not to mention that personally I’ve spent my entire adult life with a Yale Phi Beta Kappa Physicist. (Nope, they are NOT normal, it’s true.)
Brilliant, but NOT normal.
The only “thankyou” I ever need from you for helping TLC, is to keep this video up when I’ll really need it at the end.
It’s so beautiful and I know I wasn’t alone listening to it – because YOU heard it and posted it.
Tried for almost 4 DECADES to get the BIG YALE PHYSICIST to enjoy SOMETHING/ANYTHING with me that was NOT about his work or his MOM/SISTER. NEVER HAPPENED. (He even stole marital funds, big timeI found out in 2000, and gave to his “Sis.” $50,000. plus,(without MY knowledge) and SHE bout a place with it in Las Vegas!!!
Thank you for not letting me be alone at the end. Love you for that.
What else can you do with an 80 year old Yale Phi Beta Kappa Physicist, STILL working, on the phone on conference calls and travelling atleast every month for a week…..who ADMITS in private:
“SO, I was gay”
BOTH of our parents HAD to be mentally ill.
It is NOT easy to kill yourself when YOU KNOW you are still saving other lives, and IF YOU DIE, that will STOP!
Which, of course, brings us all back to WHY we need BEAUTIFUL MUSIC:
(Happy to be your guinea pig; whatever helps!)
Forgot what they do on generic blogs: 🙂
PS. I have spent ONE MONTH trying to come up with something GREAT as a surprise for your birthday January 9th. Just cannot OUTDO what I did last year. Took the QUEEN MOTHER of ENGLAND 100 YRS to get that gift – so cannot out -do-it again for you this year. Wish I could, but can’t. But I love you.
“A fool is a person whose pencil wears out before its erasure.”
Worlds Highest IQ since 1958, Marilyn Vos Savant
Only history wil know whether I was a “Fool ” or not.
Just can’t understand why the in OUR culture – great respect for: “As American as mom and apple pie.”
Turns out they were/are BOTH DEADLY – with too much!! :-):
Little people little problems – BIG PEOPLE – BIG PROBLEMS.
“I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends.
I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent.
People know this, and steer clear of me at parties.
Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don’t even invite me.”
Humorist and Columnist Dave Barry
80 yr. old hubby just came within 90 seconds of burning the house down by closing heavy drapes directly on an uncovered lightbulb on a lamp lit every night at dusk that sits on the kitchen floor – to light up the outside back screen for our almost blind indoor/outdoor cats walkthrough cat door onto the porch and his chaise lounge bed. Oh boy………
Nope. Was never a stalker; only a big EGO could have believed that.
Needed your decent, kind and intelligent thoughts. In return, I helped your lawyers/judges.
I read everything you post and do NOT believe there is ANYTHING wrong with your mind, with a birthday coming up either January 8th or 9th and well into your eighties. I DO know that after forty years of being with my husband, he IS getting more and more CONSTANTLY AGITATED with EVERYONE!
My question to the genius guru: How do you get an 80 year old Yale Phi Beta Physicist- who has ALWAYS been anti-social and has NEVER had ONE friend in his life – still doesn’t- put all his/OUR time/energy/money (fought over it) to his original family – NOW YELLS at everyone more and more everyday……to see a NEUROLOGIST?”
Don’t know, but maybe he just needs a little love. Soft, gentle, caring, quiet love. We can’t make anyone do anything.
Thanks for keeping the worlds most beautiful mlusic up. I’m playing it over and over.
And if I need it, can only imagine how the Capital Case lawyers and Judges NEED it.
(The truth: I gave up on homo sapiens many years ago: want to leave the MAJOR of my money to PETS)
And WHY I’m watching the disgusting outcome of Leona Helmsleyl’s WILL.- very closely-daily. It just STINKS.
If she ONLY had had herself on VIDEOTAPE in NEVER could have happened!
Judge Judy on her last show with Larry King:
Larry: “What is the BIGGEST attribute a person can have; is it an education, character, what?”
Judge Judy: After thinking quite a while and quietly said:
“Larry, in my many decades in the courts I have met so many people with the most impeccable academic credentials, but some of them had no common sense. So, I would have to say that “COMMON SENSE” is the most important attribute a person can have.”
(Does that go – across the board – in the eighties? Will have to ask the Neurologists that question……)
Reminds me of when and why I turned off Dr. Phil.
He was preaching to women on TV to “AGE GRACEFULLY’ and NOT get surgery, etc. while I/many of us watched and KNEW his wife Robin had a facelift at 50!
Good bye Dr. Phil
Like to see you post this TRUTH, if you are OK.
WHY wouldn’t four (4) GRAND in 24 months ( $2,000) EVERY YEAR so far, donated to your TLC by a layperson who read your books………….
NOT be worth ONE EMAIL if you think that person needs help?
NOT about me; about YOU.
Maybe it’s really true, in the end.
The SCIENTISTS are the ONLY people on the planet with “OPEN MINDS” and are BIGGER than their tiny little ego/themselves – and have been all along. It is certainly looking more and more like that.
Sigmund Freud may have been right, and didn’t want a fella on drugs to be right. But it’s looking like he was.
Wish you the best Gerry, no matter what.
YOU were 19 when your mother blew her brains out; I was 14 and CAME HOME FROW SCHOOL and found him/it hanging, all alone.
Amazing we both even survived LONG ENOUGH to even become ALTRUISTIC!
At the end, no matter, WHO we are or how IMPORTANT we think we are/were…….
We were ALL only one person in a SEVEN (7) BILLION HUMAN BEING OVERPOPULATION world.
IF any of us were smart, even once, how come we KNEW enough to spade/Ineuter our pets. I want, to vomit, but we didn’t know enough to do it to OURSELVES?
Unquestionably, MAN was BRILLIANT!
Wow. It’s a week later and it’s still the truth but still angry at you for betraying……… posting this. Have not slept for a week that you betrayed a loyal BENEFACTOR.
MAYBE you are right….. MAYBE…..
It’s the BIG PICTURE that counts: That’s WHY Wikileaks MUST BE SUPPORTED.
I don’t believe it……you never POSTED IT!
I was so upset over speaking the truth that the details like ……
Gerry, I LOVE YOU!!!
But you and I know, don’t we. And that’s all that counts
Don’t even want to check the other parts of Rejection. Afraid to. Alll I can say at the end of my life …a life that has NEVER HURT one human being or animal…..Dr. Phil is right about ONE THING:
“We all need a soft place to fall.” )Even when we have never done anything to harm… but just tried to SAVE. Sometime we never get that.
YOU were the only person I had. I love you for that, whether reality or I wanted it to be.
Here is what Psychiatrists would say:
Gerry Spence is living to see that the world/planet has a cut-off, if you will, rate of NINE BILLION PEOPLE. We are now at SEVEN BILLIION people and counting. Mr. Spence is aging with a GUILTY CONSCIENCE that he had SIX CHILDREN.
Criminal Defense Attorney Roy Black had ONE>
Yes, Criminal Defense Attorney Roy Black MUST BE A “BAD LAWYER.”
I hate to say this, and very slowly…….very slowy, I’m (being on Prof. Hawking’s website, AND, Marilyn Vos Savants website (Highest IQ in the world since 1958 )…it’s probably BEST/ SHORTENS THE SUFFERING…the craziness that we are watching right now in the good old USA.
Dr. Sigmund Freud said: “American is the biggest EXPERIMENT the world has ever seen. It cannot work.:”
It did NOT.
Don’t usually follow the Intellectual/Republican George Wills, but he sure let out a BEAUT in his column a couple of weeks ago:
“When we consider that there ar OVER FOUR (4) BILLION POSTINGS on FACEBOOK of Pictures, EVERY SINGLE MONTH, a N\ORMAL person can have a reasonable suspicon that the US is suffering from NARCISSIM, NOT TERRORISM, and it is NOT a pr\oblem for LAW ENFORCEMENT.”
“The United States is the most GRANDIOSE experiment the world has ever seen. I see no way that it can work.”
(Probably why my favorite picture is of you and “Imag” sitting on the porch of your then new home in Calif. for the journalist.
You had your arm around her.
“Wow. Now THERE is normal.”
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Gerry, I can tell you for the BIGGEST scientists in the world , it’s already OVER; we are NOW IN the “Tipping Point.”
Listen to music, lawyers, judges, Physicians (especially those of you who are with Doctors Without Borders….they REALLY NEED IT…….
“I only laughed at myself until I realized that in the end, life itself is amusing.”
Marilyn Vos Savant, World’s Highest IQ, still is, since 1958
Watched the 3 (now men) on Piers Morgan just 2 nights ago who were on death row all those years in Alabama (?) for murdering those 3 little boys way back when and RECENTLY RELEASED as INNOCENT. They stated that 117 people have been RELEASED FROM DEATH ROW recently – after found innocent through DNA, etc.
America (youngest country) seems to be DEGENERATING in all aspects, while our European allies, who are OLDER than we are, are atleast TRYING to progress FORWARD.
(Just possibly there’s a moral here; people can’t just slaughter original inhabitants of a place, declare the place now “theirs” and “FREE” – and expect it to work?)
As Professor/Astrophysicist Stephen Hawking says:
“Mans only hope is to reach for the stars and get off this planet if we wishes to continue the species.”
My question for the brilliant professor: “WHICH HUMANS will they be taking with them to START OVER so this doesn’t simply happen all over again on a NEW planet?”
(Read that they, the scientists, have created ‘designer babies’ so that’s probaby the answer….)